Kids are treasure. They are the greatest blessing parent ever had. Thus, it’s very important to protect them and take care them in good ways. Parent wants their children to be good and happy. That’s the reason why every parent will to give them best education. Education itself is not necessary about formal school only, because parent is actually their first school.
In fact, though we know about this, sometimes we can do justice to our role. We often say bad things to children and ruin their motivation. We often make them having bad experiences during childhood and disrupt their development. One that we don’t realize is how adult find it hard to control their mouth. Bad words can be so insulting and leave trauma on them. It can attack their psychology and children self concept which effect is bigger than we thought. Especially mother, because they should be the biggest supporter and friend to accompany them to grow up.
- Giving Negative Statement on Kids-Self
Have you ever said this to your children: “You’re very lazy!”, “Oh, how naughty kids”, “You are stupid” and more similar sentences. Don’t ever think those junks are only joke. Yes, you may say it coincidentally when you are very tired with chores, but yes, it does hurt them more than you know. It also damages more because what you say tend to make them like that. Otherwise, it would be better to say positive things to your children. Instead of saying the kids are stupid you can say “If you study more, you can get better score. The more you learn, the better you get. I know you can do this”. Does it sound much better?
- Do Not Say “Don’t Disturb Me, I’m Busy”
It may sound normal since mother has chores are waiting and never end. Or when father are reading the headlines of newspaper or doing work. As the result, your kids may run from you and lock themselves in the room and crying. They feel not appreciated and worthless. Suzette Haden Elgin, PhD, the writer and verbal self defense trainer, suggest parent to divert children attention to do another activities in the middle of their work. We can ask them to do small chores or watching TV before you finish your work and ready to help them. Worth to try!
- Do Not Say “Don’t Cry!”, Especially in High Tone
When children are playing with friend, sometimes they cry for silly reason. In this situation, avoid to shout them “don’t cry” because it can make them feeling worse. Debbie Glasser, a child psychologist, stated those words will tell them that feeling sad is bad things while it actually is form of certain emotion of human –and it’s normal. She advises parent to ask children to explain what makes them sad. If they are treated bad to their friend you can tell her/him that their behavior is not good. Give your warm hug to make them feeling better.
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- Never Compare Your Children
Every child is different. The younger may be slower than the older. Or one may be smarter than other. You should never say,”Look your sister can do this faster. Why can you do this the same?” or “All of your friend get score 90, why you only get 60?”.
Comparison will make your children confuse and loss self confidence. Children could even hate their parent because of that typical comparison. We know that every child has different talent and develop in different ways. If your children are slow learner, you should become supplement to boost their studying.
- “Wait Until Your Father Punish You!”
It’s a stressful long days when your chores haven’t finished yet and you can’t handle your children. All you do are screaming to your kids and make them feeling even worse. You also threat them by saying father will punish them badly in repetition. One true thing, it’s not gonna help. You can tell them their mistake in nice way and calm them down before continue with your chores. No threat, please!
- Do Not Easily Give Compliment
Giving compliment is good to make them appreciated. Though, when you give this easily, it will make compliment become two-bit. When they have done their usual task, you no need to praise them exaggeratedly. Let it be the habit and naturally they will know its’ things they should do. Giving compliment is also need to be tricky too. If your daughter has done exam very well, you can praise on what she is doing ( process ) than only her score.
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- Do Not Say “You Always Do This…” or “You Never… “
Sometimes you can’t hide reflect to say “You always do this..” and “You Never…”. Believe it or not, those two sentences has deeper meaning. These typical are label that could stick forever in children, as quoted from Psychotherapist, Jenn Berman, PhD. They will create your children character and they will become exactly what you said.
To handle this, it would be better to ask what children need to fix their habit. Have a warm conversation and stay closer to their world will definitely help.
- Do Not Say “It’s not like that, let me do it!”
This sentence often said when mother ask children to help them doing a chore, but the children don’t do it like it should be. It sounds very simple, but parent should avoid this statement too. When you say this and take over, it makes you children don’t learn how to do it. Mother should do collaborative gesture to engage children to do that work together while at the same time mother explain how to do it.